i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
