plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
