Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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