Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
