i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will pee on everything he values.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
