he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
