You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
