Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
