Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
