Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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