I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
