The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
