omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
