we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is wine microwaveable?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
