I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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