Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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