I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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