You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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