I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am available for nakedness
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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