how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
