sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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