So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
