babies were throwing up all over the place
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
