On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
