I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
