in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
