So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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