Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
