my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
