O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
