Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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