it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
