I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
