mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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