i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
