what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They took my balls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
