So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
