I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
