I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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