I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
