tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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