I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
