Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
