I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
