Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
