I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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