New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
