so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
