You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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