I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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