My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
