I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Semen is not good for contacts.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
