dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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