You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my poor anus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
