she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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