Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
