My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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