i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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