Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
