Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
