I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
