Four minutes until I can fart!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
