she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
