She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
