I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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