I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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