My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't turn off my feet"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
