I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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