I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
