There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
