I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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