He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
