Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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