Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
