i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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