It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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