my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You made out with two different species that night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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